Sunday, April 30, 2006

Champagne Smoothies

My friend Emily is brilliant. On Saturday I worked a later shift than normal, so she and I met at the Ferry Building for brunch. Over snacks at Market Bar, I regaled her with tales of the recent spate of older men who have been hitting on me. And by older, I mean 60 and above. Cases in point: the 70-year old who chatted me up after Glass Menagerie at Berkeley Rep, and the two members of Freda Payne's band who didn't even pretend they weren't checking me out as they flagrantly stared. Then, on my way to the Ferry Building that morning, I was approached by a gray-haired gentleman who invited me for coffee, saying it didn't matter to him whether or not I had a boyfriend. Yes, old man, I'm sure it doesn't.

Let me remind you, gentle readers, that I am 36 years old. Not exactly super-young, but not yet ready for the geriatric set either.

Well, after hearing these stories, Emily offered me what she called a silver lining. She believes that much older men, as well as their insane and just plain classless counterparts, will often be so bold with women they don't know because they have nothing to lose. But what drives these men to behave this way is that they have noticed how attractive the women are. All men are affected by this attractiveness, according to Emily, but most, including the smart, fun, age-appropriate men we would actually be interested in, aren't quite so forward. But we should take note that those men are thinking the same flattering things about us that the old coots are. I told Emily that if she bottled and sold that thinking, she would be a millionaire.

Her brilliance did not stop there, however. I also happened to mention that if mimosas were non-alcoholic, I would drink them everyday, as they are one of my favorite beverages. The always-thinking Emily suggested that maybe adding protein would cut the alcohol's effects, and she immediately began trying to create a champagne smoothie recipe. Champagne smoothies! I don't know about you, but I can't think of anything more fabulous. At that point I decided that Emily and I should open a spa featuring champagne smoothies and her way of perceiving the unwanted attention of old men. Our spa would become the so popular, even the founders of Canyon Ranch would flock to it. Just wait and see.

Champagne smoothies, aside, I have a little sad news. Generally, I keep this space upbeat and only report my bouncy, entertaining, seat-of-your-pants adventures. But the mother of a dear, dear friend of mine died a couple of months ago, and he was just this weekend able to tell me about it. With all due respect to my other amazing friends, all of whom I am incredibly lucky to know, it's possible I may love this fellow more than anyone I am not related to. So please think of lots of happy thoughts for the incredible and talented Schleevin as he works through his mourning process. And his mom, Susie, was super-neato; so I bet they're all thrilled with her company in heaven.

By the way, I have been hesitant to create any new posts for the last couple of days because I wanted Nephew Sassy's photo to remain front and center. So why not scroll down and have another look at him? You know you want to.

1 comment:

Michael B said...

best line? "Yes, old man, I'm sure it doesn't". Good Sh#t.