Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Venus and Mars

My friend Brad always says that men are stupid and women are crazy. Honestly, I tend to agree with his assessment, especially the part about women being crazy. I know we're insane. But one thing I will never understand is the male ego.

Last night Helen and I went to Favorite Bar where we ran into this man who is a regular there. I met said fellow about a year and a half ago when I was in the midst of a gargantuan crush I had on a bartender who used to work there. I know, I know, falling for a bartender is a total rookie move, but that's an entirely different story. Anyway, Regular knew I had a thing for the cute, semi-nerdy man behind the bar; he even commented on it when we met. But that late December night in 2004 Regular and I did talk about our respective New Year's Eve plans, and we exchanged email addresses with the intention of possibly combining plans. I didn't even give him my primary email address; I offered some third-tier email I usually reserve for mailing lists and the like. And I pretty much immediately forgot all about our inebriated exchange until I cleaned out my purse a few weeks later and found the scrap of paper upon which he'd written his email.

I now run into Regular at Favorite Bar probably once every three or four months. He's nice enough, but does have a tendency to be overly touchy. What starts out as a hug usually develops into a mauling session. And he behaves this way toward all the women who frequent Favorite Bar, not just me. He's always seemed harmless, much like another regular who has hit on me for nearly three years with a never-ending tenacity, even though I'm not even nice to him. But sometime around last October or November, I decided I'd had it with being pawed by this dude. So the next time I saw Regular, I rebuffed him when he tried to hug me. Rather rudely, I must admit. But as the months have passed since then, we again chat on the really rather rare occasion we see each other, and he no longer touches me so much. A victory in my book.

Well, last night, Regular and Helen went outside to smoke while I took a call on my cell phone. When they returned, he went to talk to some other people he knew, and Helen proceeded to relate to me the conversation they'd had while smoking. He apparently told her that he and I had exchanged phone numbers (huh? Since when is an email address your phone number?), and that he never called me. According to Regular, I had been really disappointed and upset about that, but he believes everything is okay now. I guess I must feel better about his lack of interest in me.

I'm sorry.... What??!! Aside from handing him an email address during a time in which he knew I was infatuated with someone else, I have never done anything to indicate I was interested in Regular. Not once. So can someone please explain to me how rebuffing the physical attention of a man you barely know is a sign that you have the hots for him and are so disappointed he does not feel the same way about you? This isn't a rhetorical question; I'm actually interested in an explanation. If only I had a strong enough ego to believe a man who rejected my advances did so because he was actually into me.


terry said...

boys are weird.

that's my very insightful two cents...

Dan Wilson said...

yeah, boys are weird, but I see this going two ways:

1. he interpreted your "Back off and quit mauling me" as some sort of long repressed hostility because he never emailed you (which in his mind has morphed itself into a phone number that he never called), because lord knows there's no other reason you would be so upset at him for his attentions.

2. He's making a move on your friend and is demonstrating how desirable he is by your being upset that he never called and showing how sensitive and patient that he is in how he's handling the situation.

or... quite likely, both.

terry said...

ohhhhhhhhh.... dan's #2 is awfully interesting. i hadn't even thought of that....