Sex Talk at Val's

Beware the Ides of March, my friends. This day could lead you to the counter at Val's Burgers in Hayward spilling tawdry tales of past dalliances.

Yes, gentle readers, it was that fate which befell me this afternoon.

If you've never been to Val's, let me assure you, it is worth a trip to Hayward. This morning I met Best Friend for my weekly singing lesson, which always happens in the lovely town of Hayward, and afterward we indulged in quite the lunch at Val's. We'd been planning such an excursion for weeks, but little did I know it would be soooo good. We got the smallest burgers on the menu (Baby Burgers, they call them), shared one chocolate malt and one order of fries, and that was still plenty of food.

But the size and deliciousness of Val's portions are only a small part of the experience. You see, once you walk into Val's, you are back in the 1958 South or Midwest. I swear the menu signs on the wall are that old, and the atmosphere is pure Americana. What this restaurant is doing in the Bay Area, I will never know. But then, why question such a wonderful discovery?

Over our burgers and milkshakes, Best Friend and I soon fell into a conversation that would have made the geriatrics all around us blush... with delight, most likely. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered Best Friend had done a play in 2001 with a man I had quite the little tryst with in 1997. Yes, that was ten years ago, and yes, I have had many a tryst since then. This just happens to be one of my best sex stories, made all the better by the fact that Best Friend knows the fellow in question in a totally different context.

I'm afraid I can't go into any details, as my mother reads this space (although I seem to recall telling her all about it back in the day). But I spared no details in my lurid play by play for Best Friend. All while sitting at the very innocent counter of Val's! Kids sit in those same chairs, I'm sure. Not to be outdone, however, Best Friend enthusiastically shared the details of her first date, and coincidentally first time, with her now-fiance.

I'm certain Val's will never be the same.

And after that lunch today, I know I'll never be the same. I can't say it was the wisest choice to have a burger, fries and chocolate malt six days before I have a date with a bikini, but whatever. Fat or thin, I'll be in Hawaii, so who cares? Now I'm off to meet some co-workers for drinks (likely just sparkling water for me), and then I have Fake Band practice. Ick. Isn't it nice that my attitude about Fake Band is improving so much?

Credit where credit is due: a shout out of love to jatbar.com for the lovely photo of the Val's sign. You can go there to find a more comprehensive review of the Val's dining experience.